Tag Archives: Counselling



A framework for listening

Listening is a complex activity and a skill that takes place on many levels.

Active listening means that you are listening with purpose and communicating that you have listened

One framework for listening

1. Experiences – what clients experience as happening to them;what others say or do not say;what others do or do not do

2.Behaviour – how clients act;what they say and do

3. Feelings – what clients feel about their experiences and their behaviour

4. Thoughts – what clients understand about what they do or do not do ; what sense they make of their own and others behaviour ; and what beliefs they have about themselves, other people and events in their lives.


Listening blocks

1. Preparing your reply to what the client is saying

2. Seeking confirmation for your hypotheses and ignoring information from the client which contradicts these hypotheses

3. Possibly becoming defensive or labelling yoursel inadequate when clients attempt to correct you

4. Trying to find a solution because you have an action oriented personality

5. Becoming anxious about what the client is telling you


In general

Listening attentively with an awareness of the filters you have and the universe of your own life is the basis for understanding clients. However while listening is important it is not enough. Clients need more. They need aresponse to show that they are being heard and understood.

Some ways of responding

Reflective skills

Reflective skills enable you to communicate your understanding of your clients frame of reference. This internal frame of reference is how clients view themselves and their concerns.

Probing skills normally express the coaches perspective or external frame of reference. When this is happening a coach is seeking information or wanting to influence the direction of the session

Reflective skills are probably the most useful group of skills to:

Build trust

Encouraging exploration

Discouraging premature focusing

Communicating emphatic understanding

A key aim is to

better understand clients’  thinking and feeling

To check in a non intrusive that you have understood

To impose minimal direction from your frame of reference

In other words offer back to the client what they have said in their own words

Three key reflective skills are






Coaching Questions Insights



Asking good coaching questions is at the heart of effective coaching regardless of coaching model.  It does not matter what type of coaching approach you trained in, all approaches use questions to uncover individual thought processes.  Coaching questions aim to uncover, explore, reflect upon and challenge your client’s thought processes.

Coaching questions tend to fall into five categories. You may find it helpful to work through each category writing down as many questions as you can think of that would fit.  Thinking about current clients will help you focus on the types of questions that would be most useful and you can then try these out in your next session.

1. Questions aimed at Clarification: These types of questions are aimed at getting behind the concepts that underpin your client’s thought processes.  

For example, “What does that mean to you?”, “How does what you’ve said relate to your current situation?” or “What types of situations challenge you?”  These questions are more akin to asking basic open questions aimed at eliciting information.  However, apart from information gathering they give you the opportunity to gain an understanding of your client’s thinking style.

2. Questions aimed at uncovering assumptions: Most people make assumptions about themselves, others and the world in general without ever realizing they do this or questioning these. Asking probing questions helps the client uncover the assumptions s/he is making and provides an opportunity to question the validity of such assumptions.

For example, “How do you know your boss does not like you?”, “What are your colleagues doing that makes you think you are not doing a good job?”, or “What would happen if you did say no?”

3. Questions that look for evidence: Following on from the concept that all human beings make assumptions, the next stage is to help the client consider what evidence s/he uses that underpins their reasoning. Individuals often think they have sound evidence for a course of action or a belief when, in-fact, their thoughts are not well informed at all.

For example, “What evidence are you basing your thoughts on?”, “What examples are you using to back-up your thinking?”, or “How do you know that to be true?”

4. Questions that challenge the client’s views: These types of questions are aimed at helping clients consider alternative positions as a way of reframing thoughts while also helping the client develop a better internal mechanism on which to base future thinking.  

For example, “What other factors could have contributed to this situation?”, “What makes it essential to act now?”, “If you consider how you are dealing with the situation compared to your colleague who you said was dealing with it more effectively, what would you say is the difference?”

5. Questions that evaluate consequences and implications: This type of question considers the potential outcomes and associated implications of a course of action.  The client can then consider whether these make sense and are desirable as potential outcomes.  

For example, “What would happen then?”, “Why is X important?” or “If you followed that line of thinking through where would you end up?”

It takes time to develop the art of asking


This is a document re-listing all the powerful and brilliant comments shared by Coaches, members of the ICF group on linkedin during the month of October-November 2010.
The question asked by Coach Dorcas Manou Lasme Adou, Founding Director of imPROOV (www.improovcoaching.com), the 1st coaching practice in French-speaking West Africa was:
Let us all benefit from each other’s experience regarding powerful questioning. Please share the Coaching question you consider MOST POWERFUL, and please state the client context, challenge or situation it is best used in.’
Thank you to everyone who participated. Hooray for our clients and for great Coaches!

There are 3 parts in this document:
1. List of powerful questions classified by category (List of all questions shared as of 12/11/10)
2. Notes on powerful questioning (All comments made regarding asking powerful questions.)

3. Websites